If you think about it, most human interactions are negotiations. All but the blandest exchanges lead to a deal, an arrangement, a transaction, a movement – in other words, an outcome.
A number of years ago Dave and I were looking at a course for staff on negotiating. You know the one – it was always advertised in airline magazines. Our goal was to help our staff converse with people at bigger companies who had probably taken a similar course and who had more of the power in dealing with us as a much smaller company.
A child’s perspective
Our oldest goddaughter was with me that Saturday as I examined the material. As usual, I explained what I was doing and shared some of my thinking with her. Throughout, she had a strange look on her face and when she finally spoke, she said with great conviction, “Just say ‘no.’” That was it in a nutshell – stand your ground and just tell them the way that it is going to be. No discussion, no explanation and no movement – a perfectly encapsulated negotiating strategy from a child’s perspective.
We have certainly seen this strategy work in a variety of situations. Power, time and money all play into the effectiveness of this strategy. But is it really workable in the long-term and should winning be the driver of all negotiations?
Everything in life is about negotiation
If you think about it, most human interactions are negotiations. All but the blandest exchanges lead to a deal, an arrangement, a transaction, a movement – in other words, an outcome.
Making arrangements with friends is collegial. It’s about finding something that is agreeable and workable to all. It’s generally a pleasant process with the desire to make the greatest number of people in the group happy with the outcome.
One could ask naively if this could not be the same objective in business. On the surface, the answer could be yes, of course it could be the same. Who couldn’t agree with win-win as a targeted outcome? Seldom is that the case in real life except in the most basic of negotiations or business dealings.
At the same time, I wouldn’t say that there should be an endless opportunity to negotiate or to dictate. More power shouldn’t automatically lead to a lopsided deal, but it also shouldn’t mean that the party with more power should become a doormat to the lesser party.
Give and take
The mindset of the parties is paramount in order to come to a fair and reasonable outcome taking into consideration all positions and realities. Neither take too much nor give too little could be an articulated strategy – easy to say and difficult to do.
Some companies manage to do this very well. They are highly principled and have instilled in their people the need to do the right thing when there is a size or power mismatch. Early in our business endeavors, we worked with such a company and generally the interactions were great over a sustained period of time.
Not just win-win, but trust-trust
Today it is not enough to just get your own way. It may appear that this is the expedient route to business success in the short-term, but there are long-term consequences. People do business with people they trust. People work for companies they trust. Trust and reputation must be carefully tended and nurtured. Relationships need to be valued, even with the prospect of no further transactions.
My goddaughter has grown up and tempered her thinking about negotiating relationships, but she did prompt me to think deeply about negotiations and interactions with others both when I was within a small company and had little power and then as we grew to a medium-sized company and our power grew, too.
